i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
