I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
