I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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