I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
