You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
