"it" just moved
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
