my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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