Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
