When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
this will be a night to untag.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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