Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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