it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
