you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
