Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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