I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
