I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
