somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
