My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
