Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
