Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
