There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
