New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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