Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
