everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
