Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
