is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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