I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
