Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I have post one night stand depression
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
