Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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