So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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