Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
