Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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