I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
