saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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