Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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