It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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