I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
