we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
