3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
