I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
