My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
