Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
