i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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