If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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