So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
