Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
