I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
