tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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