we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
