walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
