What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
