He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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