people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
When are your genitals available?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
