I didn't shave. On purpose
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
