well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
