My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
