Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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