There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I want a musical about memes.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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