do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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