yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
